My First White Line

The bigger you get, the bigger the after parties. At the beginning they were smaller, just a couple people chilling at someone’s apartment after. We would focus on discussing the music, it was so chill and intimate, and I really felt like I was getting somewhere musically.

We shouldn’t have been drinking, but that was the scene we were playing in, and it felt normal, so that’s how it went. We would even smoke pot with people. Everyone loves a good discussion at 2 am while you’re high. It could be some of the most inspiring and philosophical conversations of my life.

So when people started offering up harder drugs, I didn’t say no.

It was cocaine that I tried first. I know, that sounds awful. But back then I didn’t know much about cocaine, I just knew it was a popular drug in the music scene, and it could make a party never stop.

Some guy went to go do a line of coke in the bathroom and offered me some. I was curious to see what it was all about so I said sure. My first line of coke made me feel like I had breathed in the fire, and I must have sneezed about fifty times. The guy laughed at me hysterically, and I wasn’t really feeling how stupid it had made me look. Once the drug hit though, I didn’t care anymore.

I was on fire, but in a different way on the inside. It was like I had the energy of ten people coursing through my veins. Time slowed way down, but it was okay because I sped up. I was a pinball bouncing back and forth through the machine and whacking everything down. It was great up until the crash. They don’t warn you about the crash.

I felt like I’d died for a little bit. The cocaine really revs you up, and when it wears off, and you’re back to the normal speed it just isn’t fast enough. Nothing is. My body felt like lead, and I had to crawl into bed, where I slept it off for the rest of the day. It was hard.

I’ve never been the type of guy to have issues with depression, but I can only guess that coming down off drugs is a lot like what it feels like. It almost made doing drugs not worth it.

The keyword?Almost.