So cocaine and I were soon best friends the way I was supposed to be with my music. The bigger we got in the music scene, the more drugs I did.
It wasn’t too bad of course, I started off light. But when we went on our first headliner tour there was almost nothing else to do. We lived in a van, man. So when we finished our sets all sweaty and full of love and energy, vibing with the crowd, of course, we went to parties. It was that or sleep in our van together and move on to the next show. Free party, free drugs, and we got to be celebrities? Of course, we went.
I wasn’t the only one starting to mingle with the drugs, and that wasn’t a good thing. There was nothing to keep us from falling into the same trap, so many musicians do. We partied with cocaine all night and then drank until we fell asleep.
I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t great, what I remember of it. But it started to take its toll on our health pretty quickly.
Tara was the first to burn out, our brilliant pianist. It wasn’t too serious or anything, but she ended up sleeping with another girl on the road because she was too high to care about the consequences, and her girlfriend told her she needed help. It’s crazy to think the chick didn’t just dump her, but I guess girls can be good together like that.
So Tara left the band and went to rehab. We supported her of course. If she didn’t want to be in this scene that was fine, not everyone could handle it as we could. We still had the band basics down: lead singer/guitarist, drums, and bass. We could still handle a crowd.
Everything fell apart after that though. There was nothing or no one that could stop us. We were party monsters. Cocaine turned into heroin and honestly, I couldn’t tell you how. One morning I woke up with tracks in my arm and needles on the flood and I didn’t care.
Drugs hit you like that, all at once without any warning. There were warnings of course, not that we cared to see them. I never would have thought I would be comfortable doing hard drugs.
Like, I knew they were bad for you, but I had never understood about addiction. I thought it was a choice. I didn’t realize drugs could alter your brain chemistry. If someone had sat down with me when I was younger and explained all that, then maybe I would have been more careful.
It wasn’t long after I started using heroin that I had my overdose, and that’s when everything changed.